Fatly Foods For Guy

Let's not fart around with this intro. BK deserves to take a royal walk of shame Cersei-style. And I'm just the Septa to take it on this stroll down shit avenue! No, it's not for sticking "-ito" on the end of "Whopper", although I do picture Peggy Olson crying into her pillow when I consider that marketing decision. It's for an offense much, much more serious than that. WHERE ARE MY WHOPPER DOGS?! Of course we know from the commercials the King is a diabolical sociopath, but this is some next level fuckery. On the heels of the dismal review I had assigned to the Extra-Long Buttery Cheeseburger , I turned around and awarded the Whopper Dog an A+ , the only item I've given that grade to in nearly a year of fair and balanced food-bloggery. And then, just before I could have a second bite, the King slapped it out of my hands and the Whopper Dog bit the dust. DAMN IT, KING! YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE DOG HOUSE THEN YOU KICKED THE DOG OUT AND HEAD...

A dog is a man�s best friend. A hot dog is a hot man�s best friend. By the transitive property, hot dogs must be my best friends. But if I am what I eat, am I my own best friend?! Clearly not, as you�re supposed to treat your friends with love, and I apparently treat myself with the latest new Burger King offerings on a periodic basis. Sorry, BK, but you simply haven�t been making the cut for me lately. I�m sure you�re aware (because I�m both the laziest and slowest review writer of the whole Fat Guy Food bunch), Burger King has hot dogs now, which I resent MERELY ON PRINCIPLE!! How can one claim to be the Burger King yet sell hot dogs? It�s almost an admittance that the hot dogs will be inferior to the burger. Otherwise, they�d be the Hot Dog King, which is a title I�ve already assumed and will fight to the death for. I�ve spent far too many sad, lonely nights in gas stations earning that title! I am truly the King of Wieners, any gas station attendant will tell you so. I�ve mastered ...

Burger King released a black-bunned Halloween-themed burger last year. It gained notoriety after people started dropping bright green deuces. It became a bowel movement badge of honor to try this burger. Think about that for a moment. People were buying this Whopper to see how it looked the next day. Great marketing tactic, BK! I�m sad to report that the new bright red Burger King Angriest Whopper bun does not cause turd tinting. This is not as big of a letdown as the burger itself. Full disclosure: I had to get some liquid courage before this review due to my general dislike of BK. I do promise that this is an objective review. Burger King mindgames I ripped into the bag (possible red poo, remember) and was immediately disappointed. I ordered the large fry and this was a medium at best. BK fries are some of the worst but can easily be improved with salt and ranch. On to the main event! WOW! Looks exactly like the promo pics! According to BK�s website, The Angriest Whopper consists of...