Fatly Foods For Guy

Cheetos Puffs are my favorite chip. Although they're not actually a chip, are they? Are they a puff? That doesn't sound right either, although it's right there in the title. Let's call it a snack food-they are a food to snack on. Yes, Cheetos Puffs are my all-time favorite snack food. After the initial crunch of the Puff, they magically melt in your mouth. Leftover synthetic "cheese" dust envelops your fingers afterward. Go ahead, lick those fingers, you've earned it. The gaudy orange cheddar coloring and chemically induced cheesy flavor results in a transcendent experience. I love them. Pretty much I'm all for using the Puffs in unintended ways. I've used it as breading for fish and chicken more than once-definitely try this, they mush easily into powder. Taco Bell did the same thing with Doritos and the Locos Tacos. I've eaten several sandwiches topped with Red Hot Riplets-a fiery St. Louis delicacy. Adding snack foods to a dish works. It add...

Cold Stone doesn�t get the respect it deserves. With so many options it gets lost in the shuffle.  Did you know you can get a funnel cake topped with ice cream there? Perhaps you�d be interested in a Churro Caramel CraveTM  instead?? Into dad jokes and bad puns? Try the Cookie Dougn�t You Want Some or The Pie Who Loved Me. They�re nothing if not creative. Which brings me to their newest delicious creation. I�ve dipped French fries in milk shakes and blended full cake slices with milk shakes. I�ve stirred around bowls of ice cream until they transform into a warm shake. But never have I ever replaced the traditional, and now pass�, cherry on top WITH A FULL FREAKING DOUGHNUT. I tip my hat to the gluttonous culinary artist that devised this creation. Bravo.  Yes, that�s approximately � of a blueberry donut used as a garnish. And it is beautiful. I dipped mine in the whipped cream and it right off the bat as an appetizer. The donut, while not super fresh, was still tasty. I ...

I�ve been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. The deep thoughts were brought on by eating Pizza Hut�s Bacon Stuffed (stuft?)Crust Pizza. Swirling around my head have been thoughts on other bacon stuffed foods. I�ve indulged in bacon-laden cinnamon rolls, bacon-gorged cheeseburgers, and bacon-infused soda. Did the addition of greasy pork morsels improve these foods, I asked myself. I then realized that there were in fact stupid questions, despite what my teachers always told me.  Swine makes everything better and you should never question that. Pizza Hut has been a love it or hate it chain for years, but I urge you to check them out if it�s been a while. They�re no longer the oily and indigestion-causing pizza chain. That honor now goes to Domino�s. How have they improved? They�ve added a plethora of ways to customize your pie-from garlic butter or pretzel crusts to white or buffalo sauces to a few new toppings. For me, it�s all about that balsamic drizzle at the end. If you don�...

Burger King released a black-bunned Halloween-themed burger last year. It gained notoriety after people started dropping bright green deuces. It became a bowel movement badge of honor to try this burger. Think about that for a moment. People were buying this Whopper to see how it looked the next day. Great marketing tactic, BK! I�m sad to report that the new bright red Burger King Angriest Whopper bun does not cause turd tinting. This is not as big of a letdown as the burger itself. Full disclosure: I had to get some liquid courage before this review due to my general dislike of BK. I do promise that this is an objective review. Burger King mindgames I ripped into the bag (possible red poo, remember) and was immediately disappointed. I ordered the large fry and this was a medium at best. BK fries are some of the worst but can easily be improved with salt and ranch. On to the main event! WOW! Looks exactly like the promo pics! According to BK�s website, The Angriest Whopper consists of...

Thank you Lay�s. Thank you for the addictive Bacon Mac and Cheese and Truffle Fries flavors. The Biscuits and Gravy and Chicken and Waffles flavors roused taste buds I never knew I had. But for every triumph like Cheesy Garlic Bread-drool-there�s been a few misfires. How Cheesy Garlic Bread Chips make me feel. The Gyro chip tasted like regurgitated Arby�s sandwiches. Did you try the Crunch Sauerkraut, wait, nope, I meant the Reuben? Unappetizing.  And don�t get me started on the Kim and Kanye flavor. Repulsive. Because of the ingenuity and forward thinking in the Lay�s development department, I�m always game to try their new flavors. We also need to give props to their marketing team for rolling out new flavors in a deathmatch competition that�s sure to end in a bloodbath. Instead of introducing four new flavors, Lay�s is making four old chips battle four new ones. To the winner goes an eternal position in the chip aisle. So, how do some of these fried potato slices taste? Lay's Ch...

Taco Bell�s been teasing a new item for months. We heard it would be revolutionary. Would it be as profound as the Doritos Locos Tacos? Is that even possible? A deep fried, Cheetos Cheddar Jalapeno crusted burrito??? (sadly, no, but Taco Bell chefs, I have more ideas, reach out to me.) Who would the new debutante be? You�ve probably heard by now it�s the Quesalupa, a chalupa and quesadilla love child. Maybe the worst kept secret in fast food news this year. Either way, I was excited to taste the new creation. Here�s what it�s supposed to look like: Look at that cheese stretch I admit, I was looking forward to breaking open that bag o� quesalupa and making an edible cheesy rubberband. That�s what the ads showed so it must be true. The Bell also describes it as a��beautiful, chewy Chalupa shell on the outside, with delicious pepper jack cheese baked right inside the shell. Majestic, melty cheese stuffed inside the shell. A cheesy shell�� Note how many times they used the word �cheesy.� ...

The birth of Nashville Hot Chicken is a spicy and sordid tale. According to legend, a woman, fed up with her boyfriend�s philandering ways, liberally dosed a fried chicken breast teeming with extra hot peppers. She coyly fed it to him- I assume to see his face explode in red with cartoonish steam pouring from his ears. Instead, he fell in love with it and opened his own hot chicken restaurants. (Thanks Wikipedia.)  Nashville Hot Chicken is no joke. It�s so hot and spicy you�ll need constant breaks, a clump of moist towelettes, and a partner to wipe the perspiration from your Steven Avery levels of sweat accumulating on your brow. It�s that good hurt. It�s a feat of strength. So how did KFC�s new �Nashville Hot Chicken� compare against the legend? Not well. I could�ve guessed because the masses aren�t ready for that level of heat. Nice try, KFC, but without lard as an ingredient, it will never compare.  This is why I don't go to Yahoo for food reviews. The hype was building. ...

When I think about Chinese food two things come to mind: the culturally insensitive yet hilarious scene from A Christmas Story at the Bo Ling Chop Suey restaurant and tasty fried chicken pieces swimming in sweet and sour sauce. Americanized Chinese food is all I�ve known and it�s helped me through some tough spots. It�s a great comfort food. When I�m sick I always order an extra spicy General Tso�s to clear out my system. Not pretty but effective. Most St. Louis Chinese restaurants taste the same so I thought I�d review a bona fide authentic spot called Lona�s Lil Eats. Don�t let the cutesy name fool you, their food will still put you in a warm and fuzzy food coma (AKA the itis.) You need to get here early. On a recent Wednesday night around 6PM nearly all the tables were filled. On a weekend you�ll be waiting in a line that might spill out onto the sidewalk. As you�ll see, it�s worth the wait. The setup is simple. You pick a protein-STEAK, CHICKEN, SHRIMP or tofu for people who hate t...