Fatly Foods For Guy

Let's not fart around with this intro. BK deserves to take a royal walk of shame Cersei-style. And I'm just the Septa to take it on this stroll down shit avenue! No, it's not for sticking "-ito" on the end of "Whopper", although I do picture Peggy Olson crying into her pillow when I consider that marketing decision. It's for an offense much, much more serious than that. WHERE ARE MY WHOPPER DOGS?! Of course we know from the commercials the King is a diabolical sociopath, but this is some next level fuckery. On the heels of the dismal review I had assigned to the Extra-Long Buttery Cheeseburger , I turned around and awarded the Whopper Dog an A+ , the only item I've given that grade to in nearly a year of fair and balanced food-bloggery. And then, just before I could have a second bite, the King slapped it out of my hands and the Whopper Dog bit the dust. DAMN IT, KING! YOU HAD JUST GOTTEN OUT OF THE DOG HOUSE THEN YOU KICKED THE DOG OUT AND HEAD...

Cheetos Puffs are my favorite chip. Although they're not actually a chip, are they? Are they a puff? That doesn't sound right either, although it's right there in the title. Let's call it a snack food-they are a food to snack on. Yes, Cheetos Puffs are my all-time favorite snack food. After the initial crunch of the Puff, they magically melt in your mouth. Leftover synthetic "cheese" dust envelops your fingers afterward. Go ahead, lick those fingers, you've earned it. The gaudy orange cheddar coloring and chemically induced cheesy flavor results in a transcendent experience. I love them. Pretty much I'm all for using the Puffs in unintended ways. I've used it as breading for fish and chicken more than once-definitely try this, they mush easily into powder. Taco Bell did the same thing with Doritos and the Locos Tacos. I've eaten several sandwiches topped with Red Hot Riplets-a fiery St. Louis delicacy. Adding snack foods to a dish works. It add...

A dog is a man�s best friend. A hot dog is a hot man�s best friend. By the transitive property, hot dogs must be my best friends. But if I am what I eat, am I my own best friend?! Clearly not, as you�re supposed to treat your friends with love, and I apparently treat myself with the latest new Burger King offerings on a periodic basis. Sorry, BK, but you simply haven�t been making the cut for me lately. I�m sure you�re aware (because I�m both the laziest and slowest review writer of the whole Fat Guy Food bunch), Burger King has hot dogs now, which I resent MERELY ON PRINCIPLE!! How can one claim to be the Burger King yet sell hot dogs? It�s almost an admittance that the hot dogs will be inferior to the burger. Otherwise, they�d be the Hot Dog King, which is a title I�ve already assumed and will fight to the death for. I�ve spent far too many sad, lonely nights in gas stations earning that title! I am truly the King of Wieners, any gas station attendant will tell you so. I�ve mastered ...

Oh, Burger King. How the mighty have fallen. Back in the day, I remember only being able to make it a few days before devouring another delicious Stacker. I still remember its crispy bacon and creamy sauce like it was yesterday! It was like six years ago! But nowadays, the King is Dead. Long live the Queen (Wendy�s, obviously, this is not up for discussion). So the other night, Rich had posted about what I had interpreted to be a cheeseburger sub dipped in butter, served up by the deceased regent himself. I love butter and I love cheeseburger subs, so  I jumped on it! Because honestly, I want to love Burger King, I really do. They had the best marketing campaign of all time for a little while- a creepy King who scares you with cheeseburgers. Haha! You got me, King. Thanks for the burger. I�m gonna need my house key back tho. So, I really tried to like the Extra Long Buttery Cheeseburger at Burger King, but it just sucked. Yeah. It sucked. I could�ve bought two regular cheeseburgers...